The Best Cities In Which To Live At

Welcome to the ZCrescendo News Service’s annual List of the Best Cities In Which To Live At. We’ve exhausted our resources to provide you, our astute readership, with a comprehensive list of the ten places you would be an idiot for not living, both large and small.

10. Hoboken, New Jersey – Just a hop, skip, and a stabbing away from New York City, in Hoboken you can enjoy all the charms of the City that Never Sleeps, such as long lines for every place of business, an enormous volume of traffic, and the Holland Tunnel, without dealing with subway rats.

9. Detroit, Michigan – Achieving a whopping #4 on the annual list of “Best Places Named Detroit” by the We Love Detroit Foundation, among the selling points of Michigan’s largest city are wide open spaces and lots of available housing.

8. Greendale, Colorado – Home to such noteworthy institutions of higher learning as Greendale Community College, the town boasts a high population of celebrity actors studying Spanish and Anthropology and a recent visit from Vice President Joe Biden.

7. The Lost Island – If you can find it, this unnamed Island in the Pacific is a tropical paradise, full of well-armed hippie inhabitants, lovable characters who often sport lovable accents, and a propensity to travel rapidly through time and space without notice.

6. Bound Brook, New Jersey – World-renowned for its refinement and culture, Bound Brook is perhaps most famous for its high-class strip club establishments, including Ooh La La’s and XXX Naked Girls Everywhere.

5. Edwardsville, Pennsylvania – Long known as a hip hangout for students from nearby Larksville College, Edwardsville has lately been attracting high-quality dollar stores and prostitutes eager to be part of its urban rise, marked by the construction of a new Price Chopper in 2002.

4. Harrisburg, Pennsylvania – The capital of the Commonwealth, Harrisburg boasts a staggering population spike in smelly animals and agricultural products (also smelly) each January, as well as the absence of former governor Ed Rendell.

3. Boston, Massachusetts – Go for a swim in the Charles River and head right for the detoxification unit at Massachusetts General Hospital so you can get back out and enjoying everything this city has to offer: rowdy colleges, slow and inefficient mass transit, and 364 days of subzero weather per year.

2. New Brunswick, New Jersey – Though most think of this city as home of Old Man Rafferty’s bar and restaurant, it also boasts one of the country’s largest and most well-maintained universities, Rutgers. Spend some time with local drug dealers near the train station and find yourself transported to one of the city’s renowned research hospitals. (Take a dip in the Raritan River for the same result.)

1. Gallifrey – If you can avoid visiting when the planet is engulfed in flames and sealed inside the universe’s most epic Time War, Gallifrey is an absolute nirvana, with its funky red grass, gap in reality that allows the observer to peer into Time itself, and glass-enclosed city of Roman-looking Time Lords whose buildings and vehicles are all bigger on the inside.

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